Endowments vs. Resolve
Where the limit of progress lies.
Last Saturday I was stoked to have finished an excellent draft. It was the product of complete flow, and absolved of any mental blockage. As I went to publish it, despite Substack telling me the ‘draft had been saved’, it was sent into the abyss. I can’t even proclaim that my response was remotely helpful, or inline with anything I say on this newsletter. For the whole day I couldn’t get over it, and Sunday all I could think about was ‘what could have been’. It was a pretty depressing ordeal.
Despite not being entirely satisfied with the revival of this entry, I think it’s important to put it out there, to push it from my mind.
We either rise to the level of our resolve, or fall to the level of our endowments.
Everyone is born with a different composition of innate qualities. Some people are taller, some are stronger, some can run farther and jump higher, or perhaps academically gifted. These qualities are easily measured, whether it’s through competition or tests, and are often the center-piece to everyone’s success stories. Others may be blessed with more intangible qualities that are difficult to measure. Some people are empathetic, kind, organised, charismatic, funny, motherly, or fatherly. We are all provided some base-line mix of qualities that we just have to live with.
My answer to ‘if you could have any job / do anything, what would you do’ will always be professional sports. It’s been the same since I was a kid. Where I’m at in my life, I’m content with the fact that it’s very unlikely at this point. Although now I’m happy to admit this, having made no attempt to even fulfil this dream, for the longest time I sat brooding over two pretty dangerous words:
If only.
I spent most of my life resenting the qualities I was endowed. As someone who was unathletic, slow, and skinnier and shorter then most girls, I really was just the kid that was happy to run around and feel involved. As my interest for sport grew, I couldn’t help but feel that if only I was a little bigger, a little taller, a little faster and a little more athletic, I’d be able to keep up with everyone else.
This jaded feeling was only amplified by the fact that people that I competed against at school (not that I was necessarily actually competing, I was more so just on the same field), are now entering into the next cycle of elite sportspeople. Some have already been representing New Zealand which is outrageous.
When you start to see people doing the thing you want to do most, ‘If only’ starts to become a very poisonous line of thought. Rather than celebrating the achievements of these people, I would lazily attribute their outcomes to what they had been endowed, as if someone had just handed them all their success. These sorts of excuses causes the thread between what we are now, and what we could become to detach.
When we spend our time blinded by jealousy and envy like I was, we fail to appreciate the levers through which we can actually make our life worthwhile. We are capable of such incredible things yet we manage to reduce ourselves to the qualities and traits we have inherited from our parents. In reality, you are far more than this, and to say otherwise is to forgo your own extreme capacity to overcome adversity and champion change.
Not all of us can be All Blacks, but why should that mean that life cannot be something worthwhile, or god forbid even something to be proud of.
The limit of progress sits right at the edge of our resolve, and it is your job to find it.
Just Something To Consider.