Hello Reader,
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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
This is the serenity prayer. It offers a great summary of Epictetus’ Dichotomy of Control, another fundamental pillar of stoicism. The Dichotomy of Control is a simple concept with transformational potential in one’s ability to make decisions and navigate the challenges we face each day.
The Dichotomy of Control
In life there exists only two things:
Things that are within our control
Things that are not within our control
That’s it.
The idea is that instead of putting mental resources into things outside of our control, we should emphasize putting our energy into things that are within our control.
The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control and which have to do with the choices I actually control — Epictetus
When considering this, there are two major flaws in how people approach their life.
We try to control things we have no influence over
We cannot control other people’s opinions, beliefs and actions. We cannot control the weather. We may get stuck in traffic, or jaded by politics and greedy capitalists. Energy put into this category is depleting. We become frustrated, helpless, and exhausted yet nothing changes. No amount of energy we have invested into these things has changed the outcome.
We avoid taking responsibility for the things we can control
Between what happens to us, and what we do about it, we have the ability to choose. We can choose our beliefs, our values, our actions, how we see the world. By avoiding this, you avoid the levers you can pull, as an individual, to truly impact your situation. By avoiding taking responsibility you develop a victim-mentality.
Despite complaining and a looming feeling of helplessness, continuing to invest your energy on the things that won’t budge regardless, is an extremely wasteful and ineffective use of your mental resources. To be resilient and proactive is to take on the responsibility of your actions, and to act with indifference to that which you cannot control.
To practice the Dichotomy of Control is to create a sense of freedom and detachment. You understand that, at the deepest levels, you are focused only on the levers which cement your action concretely in the world, as opposed to investing resources into areas which ultimately don’t make a difference.
Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens — Epictetus
Actionable Tips
Act With Indifference To External Things
The opinions of others
The weather
Traffic
External things will remain the same, regardless of our attempts to try and change them. It is for this reason we should act with a level of indifference towards them. If it does not sit within your circle of influence, it requires no energy. Understand it, accept it, move on.
Focus On Your Own Action
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way — Viktor E. Frankl
This quote is undeniably, a very powerful one. It is even more so, when you consider that it was published one year after Viktor Frankl was liberated from depleting years in Auschwitz and Dachau. We may not be able to choose what happens to us. Life can throw very frustrating, or very upsetting variables into the mix which make it difficult to get up in the morning. What we can choose, is how we respond to it.
Don’t Complain About The Weather
Some people wake up, see a drizzling, cloudy day, and allow it to physically and mentally affect the decisions they make. You are setting yourself up for failure before you even step outside the door. You are allowing your well-being to be determined by the clouds in the sky rather then your own actions. Stop doing this.
Ask Yourself This
Is this up to me?
Ask this simple question whenever something frustrates you, or a challenge presents itself. If the answer is no, ensure you understand what it is, then move on. If the answer is yes, you can either do something about it, or you can move on anyway. This can be a great habit to get into ensuring you are focusing more on things that you can actually influence, and avoid things that you can not, by mentally categorizing it as so.
Write A List
Write a list with two columns in mind: What is in my control, and what is not in my control (shock). This can be applied on many different scales. More broadly, a list based on your life could help with identifying common and high-level challenges you face, and clarifying what you should focus on in all contexts. Challenge or job specific lists can be beneficial for navigating more nuanced and detailed situations. Filling in both categories can be a great way to frame a situation, and provides the mental clarity for effective decision making.
Just Something To Consider
Definitely rings true for me, I always used to get so frustrated at little things like getting stuck in traffic but once you recognize some things cant be controlled it's really freeing. Thanks for another good read butha
Love this one Ra! I'm such a sucker for complaining about the weather, but there really is no point in that hey. Looking forward to next weeks entry :)