Pain & Pleasure
If you said to me that pursuing the things that make me happy and avoiding the things that make me sad is a good thing, I would feel inclined to believe you. On the surface I think this makes perfect sense. Whether it’s going to the gym, spending time with friends, visiting your family, or even just scratching an annoying itch, it’s all for the purpose of chasing those pleasant feelings. And the reverse is also true. We don’t step out into traffic to avoid a bad time. We avoid hard conversations at work, because we don’t want to disappoint anyone. Admitting that we don’t understand something in the first instance is much more unpleasant in the short term then just staying quiet, nodding your head stupidly. All of our decisions, in the morning or at night, in school or at work, all seem to be governed (at least in part) by our compass which seeks pleasure and avoids pain.
We think of happiness as somewhere to be. If I’m not happy then I’m not where I’m supposed to be, doing what I’m supposed to do. The problem is that, even on the best of days, when everything seems to be falling into place, our happiness is never guaranteed. Even when we might be at our happiest, these feelings are never protected against the wave-like tendencies of our emotions. It is only a short while before the effects of your elation wear off. The reality is: our emotions are fleeting. Our emotions comprise of ebbs and flows. No worries though right? If we fall from our peaks, we can just chase the feeling back. But for how long can we pursue this if our feelings are so fleeting? Is this worth it?
This is a very central question in Buddhism. Is chasing happiness worth it? (spoilers: it might not be). If we know that:
Emotions are fleeting
Happiness now doesn’t guarantee happiness later
then why are we struggling so much to achieve something so transient and fickle. Buddhists claim that the root of true suffering can be found in pointless pursuit of ephemeral emotions, which cause us to be in a state of constant tension, seeking the next happy experience. As a result, we are never satisfied. Imagine standing on the shore trying to hold in all the good waves and holding back all the bad ones. It doesn’t work. The Stoics and Buddhists agree vehemently that external forces hold no sovereignty over our happiness. The external will remain the same, regardless of how we feel about it, or how much we try to control it. Buddhism extends slightly further to claim that true happiness is also independent of our inner feelings as well. The more emphasis we place on feeling this and feeling that, the more we pursue them, and the more we suffer in return.
This too shall pass.
This is a pretty famous Persian adage popularised first in the 1850’s by Edward Fitzgerald’s ‘Solomon’s Seal’ and again by Tom Hanks in an Actors Roundtable a few years ago, and it has transformational potential for your wellbeing. The good, the bad, the better and the worse are impermanent. Whether you want it to end, or for it to last forever this too shall pass. No emotion is so important that any higher power deemed it fixed and certain, so stop wishing it so. Reconfigure your life in such a way that accepts what happens to you, and ensure that you accommodate the emotions as a result. What happens to you — externally and emotionally — doesn’t matter nearly as much as how you respond. It is your responsibility to respond in a way that is good and true.
Is happiness the goal?
Just Something To Consider.
🔗 Sources
Harari, Y. N. Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind. Random House.
Nash, J. How to Accept the Impermanence of Life: A Buddhist Take. PositivePsychology. https://positivepsychology.com/impermanence/
Holiday, R. How to Let Go of Your Emotions and Find Happiness. Daily Stoic. https://dailystoic.com/find-happiness/
Great entry. Love the analogy of the waves crashing onto the shore - the good and the bad is inevitable. How we respond will always trump what happens to us!