Stress: Navigating Challenge & Staying Ahead
How to Cultivate Resilience against Friction and Comparison.
Hello Readers,
Just wanted to say how grateful I am to those who have shown support for my first entry. It completely broke my expectations (of which sat close to 0 reads, and 0 subscribers). I have wanted to get this going for a long time, and I’m excited to build this with you all. I hope you have a great week ahead.
Once again, if you want to share any feedback, what you have learnt, or what you could teach me about the topic:
Two Sources of Stress:
Unexpected Challenge:
Something that is both detrimental — to our ability to make decisions — and inevitable — par for the course of existing/aiming upward — is when challenges which are unexpected and sudden crop up out of nowhere. What many people experience, but fail to consider, is what a high-stress situation does to your perception. Highly-emotional states cause our vision to become extremely narrowed. We struggle to consider, or even care about what is beyond the threat in front of you. Getting set an impossible deadline, having to present in front of important people, interviewing for a job, or trying new things are all examples of times in our lives when we have the opportunity to really demonstrate what we are — sometimes even what we think we are not — capable of, but we are limited by the emotional stress and anxiety of failing, embarrassing ourselves or facing the reality that you’re out of your depth. The effect is especially potent if we make a habit of coasting along through life, avoiding any hint of a challenging engagement with which we can wrestle with life.
All greatness comes from suffering — Naval Ravikant
Dealing with challenge is, as I said before, par for the course when aiming upward. There is no growth without challenge. But the stress of overcoming it can mentally tie us in a knot. Understand that the source of anxiety and pressure is the common denominator, you. It’s not your boss, it’s not your work load, it’s not your goals or the barriers that get put up in front of you, it’s just you. You therefore have the opportunity to reframe the pressure. Stop. Take a deep breath. Pull yourself to the present. Ask yourself: What can I do now? What steps can I take today? By asking these questions is to begin the process of regulating your emotions and untying the knot.
It is not things that upset us, but our opinion of things — Epictetus
Falling Behind:
I will preface this by saying that: Setting long-term goals is objectively a good thing. Clarity of direction connects what you do now, to what you’re doing in five or ten years from now, and sets a benchmark of expectations of yourself. Aiming up and pursuing a higher purpose is essential to our well-being, but it can also come with a cost: comparison. Engaging with the micro of a very macro goal can be disheartening and a source of insecurity when day to day progress is so small it feels invisible. This feeling, on top of the pressure to do more, see more, and continue levelling up in life, can make us feel like we’re falling behind. Social media is societies greatest purveyor of this feeling as it often presents us with everyone’s good side — cherry picked moments of success etc. — and omits the effort, struggle and failures required to actually achieve that success — of which there are many. For the over thinkers, and the anxious, it can create a really negative aura when trying to navigate life when the goal is so large, progress is so small, and it feels like everyone else is getting ahead.
I know of no better life purpose than to perish in attempting the great and the impossible — Friedrich Nietzsche
It doesn’t even have to be goal oriented. All your friends are getting married and growing up, and you’re still single. When colleagues start picking up mortgages while you’re still renting. When you feel like you should be further along in your career then you are. Remember this: Extrinsic things don’t necessarily make people intrinsically fulfilled. Even the most curated instagrams can be created by those discontent with their circumstances. And being intrinsically fulfilled — content with your life — might be the single greatest feeling around at the moment. It gives us the breathing room to be happy in the pursuit of goals, even when progress is so small. It gives us the mental sustainability and fuel to stay in the game long enough for luck to fall in our favour, and we get the double benefit of aiming upwards, and actually enjoying the journey.
Well-being is realized by small steps, but it is truly no small thing — Zeno
Ask yourself: What is it that fills me up intrinsically? Is it the opinion of others? I hope not.
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Actionable Tips
Physiological Sighs
I first heard this concept from Dr. Andrew Huberman — a great source of protocols for a whole range of functions in the body & mind — who has promoted this technique, to be deployed for managing and reducing stress and anxiety, very quickly.
Without going into detail of the underlying mechanics of the process, here is the protocol:
Long first inhale
Short second inhale just before the peak of the first inhale
Long exhale
It is most effective by inhaling through the nose, and exhaling through the mouth. Basically, this allows you to offload more carbon dioxide then you would have otherwise through normal breathing behavior, and there is sufficient evidence to suggest that even just one of these sighs can relieve significant levels of stress and alertness.
A short, and much more comprehensive, well-informed guide from Dr. Andrew Huberman here.
Recognise Emotion & Overthinking
During times of stress and anxiety, we get fixated on the problem, and the challenge without considering how emotional and clouded we actually are. When emotions are running high, you are literally more stupid. Your decision making is poor, and you miss important details.
Be more intentional in the act of stopping, and recognizing how emotional you actually are. Use this to create a level of clarity you can leverage moving forward to overcome both the emotion itself, and the problem that caused it.
Deliberate Challenge
If you ever get a chance to elect yourself to a challenge, whether it is opting into presenting or public speaking, choosing to push yourself in the gym, or trying something new, it serves as another bit of evidence to draw from at the next challenge — elected or unexpected — where you can truthfully say ‘I’ve done this before, I can do it again’.
This is literally something I have told myself. Deliberate challenge helps us build the evidence to say we are able to do difficult and challenging things.
Dichotomy of Control
Ask yourself this question: What can I control? Write it down, along with another list: What can I not control?
Every situation is made up of a few things that you can control, and a bunch of shit you can’t. What your manager says and thinks, the deadlines you’ve been set, the barriers put in your way, or the change in conditions. Everything on the list of what you can’t control should be treated with a level of indifference. Whether you are emotional and stressed about them or not, it does not matter. Re-focus your energy on that which you can control, and put everything into it. (More on this next week)
Just Take That
In the thick of unexpected challenge, or when you feel like you aren’t making progress, or that you’re falling behind others, it is difficult to muster the energy required to get out of it. But that is because we perceive the energy required as one massive leap and the challenge is overcome. Although perhaps intuitive, it is not grounded in reality. Overcoming challenge is realised by small steps, over and over, one after the other. Only with hindsight we can appreciate how each step compounded into successfully overcoming adversity, or achieving our goals.
From The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse
The horse and the boy are in thick, dark woods. The boy, who is leading, says to the horse “I can’t see a way through”. The horse says “Can you see your next step?”, “Yes” the boy replies.
”Then just take that” says the horse.
The next time you feel overwhelmed, figure out the next step, and just take that.
Just Something To Consider
Wow love this one Ra! I’m excited to hear more on the dichotomy of control. Super relevant to me at the moment.